Testimony - by Viona Ong
This is my first written testimony -- usually I just say it directly. I will make this brief and to the point by answering some commonly asked questions.
WHAT WAS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE LEADING UP TO YOUR CONVERSION? WHAT PROBLEMS OR NEEDS WERE YOU FACING AT THAT TIME?
WHAT WAS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE LEADING UP TO YOUR CONVERSION? WHAT PROBLEMS OR NEEDS WERE YOU FACING AT THAT TIME?
I was born in a conservative middle-class Indonesian Chinese family in a small town, Makassar. My big family has always believed in ancestors worship, as well as Chinese tradition and culture. Ever since I was a kid, I was taught to hold the incense and pray to ancestors and deities (gods and goddesses). I didn't know a thing about that, I just followed the orders of my dad. My mom was a Christian before she got married to my dad, but after their marriage, my dad always had tons of ridiculous reasons not to let my mom attended Sunday services until my mom really stopped going to church.
As kids, my brother and I had been witnesses to the somewhat 'imperfect' family. We witnessed day by day our parents' disputes and fights over small and big stuffs. Yellings, shoutings, fights, disputes, noises.. these are the 'NORMALITY' in our so-called home. Silence and peace were abnormal to us, we didn't recognize them. Growing up in the 'warzone', as I called it, my brother and I developed this angry and moody personality. Our anger is always sudden, raging, and without an apparent provocation by anything. Children stopped respecting the parents, parents stopped respecting each other, parents stopped respecting their children. Respects had diminished in our famliy, don't even mention trust.
During my senior high school years, I believed I was in a depression. I started using the internet to find out what was wrong with me by reading psychology articles. I figured out, I might have been havin gsome kind of personality disorder.. Maybe bipolar disorder, because my mood is very unstable. I could be very happy at one time, then suddenly losing all my will to live at another time. I thought, I was in the line of being fully insane, just one more step and I'd be totally insane.
Everyday was like a living hell. I couldn't stay in the house any longer, I needed to RUNAWAY or else I would've gone crazy. People said I was a high-achiever at school. My math teacher believed I had a lot of hidden potentials, so he always taught me and encouraged me to unleash those potentials. I thought he was just over-reacting, I didn't see myself as having those potentials. However, he kept telling me to go out of town to pursue my college degree, at least in Jakarta. He wasn't good with words, but he got his meanings across, "You're just gonna be another RUBBISH, if u stay here. You need to Go Out!" His sayings resonated all the time in my head. Using this, I fought hard with my parents to let me go. It was a very scary process, very frustrating for a 16-year-old girl (Oh, btw.. i started school a year earlier than other kids so I graduated from high school when I was not even 17 years old). My dad was never supportive of my ideas, my mom wasn't either. However, my mom was more open-minded than my dad, she was more visionary. She could see beyond the next few days. Finally, she supported me and fought with me although my dad was always against it.
While being depressed, I realised I was missing something in me. I couldn't figure out what it was, but suddenly this thought came to me out of nowhere. I thought, maybe this man could fill the black hole in me, maybe Jesus could help me. My knowledge of Jesus was only from religion class I had at school ( I went to Catholic schools from elementary to senior high). Unfortunately, staying in Makassar would make it impossible for me to go to Jakarta. My dad would have gone insane.
In conclusion, I had to go out of Makassar because I didn't wanna end up crazy and I needed to find out more about Jesus. I thought, once I get out of here I would get the chance to live a LIFE and to go to church.
HOW DID YOUR LIFE CHANGED AFTER THAT?
I went to a Christian university in Jakarta and started going to church, but it didn't change anything in my life. I went to a same church nearby for almost 1 year but I still knew nothing about Jesus. No one taught me about Him, noone helped me, no one talked to me about it. Until one day, when I took short semester during our semester break, a friend whose seat I accidentally took in a class, invited me to attend his fellowship. I didn't know what it was, he wouldn't tell me. He said, "Just come, and you'll know." That was the turning point of my life. In the small fellowship of no more than 6 people, I first got to know who Jesus was. The leader of the fellowship, 2 years older than me, was the one that really cared for me for the first time. She listened, she cared, and she mentored me.
This fellowship made me see the light and glory of God. Slowly, I opened the broken heart to be healed. It was not an instant process, it was a very long and painful process. I learned to talk about the things I hated, leaned to understand why, learned to forgive -which was the hardest part. My eyes could eventually see that behind all these painful and difficult times, God was there to teach me, to guide me, to help me. I could finally accepted that the family He gave me was the best for me, although it may not seem to be the best at first. I learned that although I have an imperfect father in this world, I have a PERFECT FATHER in heaven.
Although I have a fellowship to grow with, I still couldn't find a church to be with. I still jumped from one church to another. When I graduated from university, I already attended 7 different churches. None of the church gave me systematic and strong foundations of my understanding. I had the faith, but I didn't have the understanding. I believed, but I couldn't explain why or how I became a believer.
When I graduated, I decided to take a 1-year study in Shanghai. Still I was tumbling to find a church to attend, jumping from one church to another. Finally, my friend, Youngky, who was also tired of jumping among churches made a conclusion : "We couldn't grow in these churches, they didn't give us anything. I think, the best church to go now is MRII (Indonesian Reformed Evangelical Church)." We went to MRII Shanghai and I finally found the right place to be, just at the right time.
I took the Catechism class to be baptized, because I realised this is the right place to get baptized. This church gave me what I need. Faith with understanding, and correct teachings.
WHAT LESSONS IN LIFE HAS GOD TAUGHT YOU?
1. I'm a sinner, I am nobody, I was DEAD... but He saved me.
2. I'm so blessed to have a family, no matter how dificult being a part of that family could be.
3. God's design is always the best, although it didn't look good at first.
4. God is always there to watch and hold our hands.
5. All the talents I have are gifts from God, and I'm supposed to make the best out of it and return it to Him.
6. What God has done for me, I should share it forward to others, so others may see the glory of God.
7. I have no rights to be JUDGEMENTAL. (I'll talk more about this in the last question.)
8. I learn the meaning of ENOUGH. In everything, God has provided me enough.. it's just that sometimes I'm blinded and can't see that I already have enough.
9. I learn that people make mistakes, and learn to forgive.
10. I learn that it's His will that will happen in my life, not 'my' selfish will
HOW HAS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD AFFECTED AND CHANGED YOU?
For sure, I became a better person. I can have better control of my moods and emotion (although I still need to work on my anger). My family saw the change in me, and I brought the change to my family too. It’s only His grace if I can be His channel of blessing to my family. We're in a process of recovering the broken relationships and trusts in our family, we learn to support and respect each other. Our journey is still in the beginning. We stumble each time, but we learn and change a bit each time.
My mindset has changed, my point of view has changed. I used to see only me, but now I see there are things bigger than me. There are more tasks left to be done, there are people to help, there are things to learn.
When I was down, I wasn't not so worried and scared anymore, because I knew there is always HOPE. The hope keeps us alive and fighting coz we know He won't let us fall so deep and not get up. He will lift us up at the right moment. We knew that this hardships will one day go away, and when the time comes, we can see the beauty.
I feel safe, calm, hopeful and peaceful.
ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANNA SAY?
I just wanna emphasize some things:
1. I don't like judging people, I don't like being judgemental.
I am just a human, like the others. I can't say, "You're a sinner, you're going to hell." I'm no God. What I should do is, to share the Gospel so that people live their lives for the glory of God, our Creator and Redeemer. I can not FORCE them to do what's right, not to judge them that they're going to hell. We never know.... only God knows. Also, sometimes we make 'generalization' and judge that "This group is wrong, our group is right. The people of this group they always do this.. they're wrong." Generalization sucks :( sorry to say this. Do not make the mistakes of one or two people in the group to be the mistake of the 'whole group'.
2. Everyone is born with talents, make the best out of it.
I can do many things since I was a kid, but I didn't really know what my talent is until few days ago when I browsed the internet. I read about types of intelligence and I took a test to find out what was the dominant type of intelligence I have. The result was Linguistic Intelligence, no wonder I always learned languages faster than others and I love writing and reading so much.
Check here to know the 9 types of intelligence: http://skyview.vansd.org/lschmidt/Projects/The%20Nine%20Types%20of%20Intelligence.htm
Take the test to find out yours:
Know yourself, know your talents, and wish you all the best to make the most of it.. But the most important is that we always return it to God, the One that gives us the gifts.
3. Tell the others about the Good News when you have the chance.
Sometimes it's so hard to talk to people, esp. those who are against Christianity. Be wise and courageous when we do it. I'm also still struggling with this, may God help us.
4. Everyone deserves a chance to hear the Good News.
I believe with all my heart that everyone deserves a chance to hear about Jesus, no matter how unlikely they seem. Prisoners, the haves, the have-nots, gays, lesbians, transvestites, sex offenders, rapists, murderers, moslems, buddhists, atheists, agnostics, everyone. Whether or not they will change after that, it's back in God's hands. We are only doing our duty to share His light to this fallen world.
5. LOVE matters
Sometimes we are so focused on some aspects of Christianity that we forget the very basic things about what God have taught us ... Love...! We preach, we teach, yet we forget to love... Shame on us. May God forgive us and help us to love not to be loved, but to love because He has loved us with the greatest love ever !
Hope this post can be a blessing to many people. God bless...
Written by: Viona Ong
As kids, my brother and I had been witnesses to the somewhat 'imperfect' family. We witnessed day by day our parents' disputes and fights over small and big stuffs. Yellings, shoutings, fights, disputes, noises.. these are the 'NORMALITY' in our so-called home. Silence and peace were abnormal to us, we didn't recognize them. Growing up in the 'warzone', as I called it, my brother and I developed this angry and moody personality. Our anger is always sudden, raging, and without an apparent provocation by anything. Children stopped respecting the parents, parents stopped respecting each other, parents stopped respecting their children. Respects had diminished in our famliy, don't even mention trust.
During my senior high school years, I believed I was in a depression. I started using the internet to find out what was wrong with me by reading psychology articles. I figured out, I might have been havin gsome kind of personality disorder.. Maybe bipolar disorder, because my mood is very unstable. I could be very happy at one time, then suddenly losing all my will to live at another time. I thought, I was in the line of being fully insane, just one more step and I'd be totally insane.
Everyday was like a living hell. I couldn't stay in the house any longer, I needed to RUNAWAY or else I would've gone crazy. People said I was a high-achiever at school. My math teacher believed I had a lot of hidden potentials, so he always taught me and encouraged me to unleash those potentials. I thought he was just over-reacting, I didn't see myself as having those potentials. However, he kept telling me to go out of town to pursue my college degree, at least in Jakarta. He wasn't good with words, but he got his meanings across, "You're just gonna be another RUBBISH, if u stay here. You need to Go Out!" His sayings resonated all the time in my head. Using this, I fought hard with my parents to let me go. It was a very scary process, very frustrating for a 16-year-old girl (Oh, btw.. i started school a year earlier than other kids so I graduated from high school when I was not even 17 years old). My dad was never supportive of my ideas, my mom wasn't either. However, my mom was more open-minded than my dad, she was more visionary. She could see beyond the next few days. Finally, she supported me and fought with me although my dad was always against it.
While being depressed, I realised I was missing something in me. I couldn't figure out what it was, but suddenly this thought came to me out of nowhere. I thought, maybe this man could fill the black hole in me, maybe Jesus could help me. My knowledge of Jesus was only from religion class I had at school ( I went to Catholic schools from elementary to senior high). Unfortunately, staying in Makassar would make it impossible for me to go to Jakarta. My dad would have gone insane.
In conclusion, I had to go out of Makassar because I didn't wanna end up crazy and I needed to find out more about Jesus. I thought, once I get out of here I would get the chance to live a LIFE and to go to church.
HOW DID YOUR LIFE CHANGED AFTER THAT?
I went to a Christian university in Jakarta and started going to church, but it didn't change anything in my life. I went to a same church nearby for almost 1 year but I still knew nothing about Jesus. No one taught me about Him, noone helped me, no one talked to me about it. Until one day, when I took short semester during our semester break, a friend whose seat I accidentally took in a class, invited me to attend his fellowship. I didn't know what it was, he wouldn't tell me. He said, "Just come, and you'll know." That was the turning point of my life. In the small fellowship of no more than 6 people, I first got to know who Jesus was. The leader of the fellowship, 2 years older than me, was the one that really cared for me for the first time. She listened, she cared, and she mentored me.
This fellowship made me see the light and glory of God. Slowly, I opened the broken heart to be healed. It was not an instant process, it was a very long and painful process. I learned to talk about the things I hated, leaned to understand why, learned to forgive -which was the hardest part. My eyes could eventually see that behind all these painful and difficult times, God was there to teach me, to guide me, to help me. I could finally accepted that the family He gave me was the best for me, although it may not seem to be the best at first. I learned that although I have an imperfect father in this world, I have a PERFECT FATHER in heaven.
Although I have a fellowship to grow with, I still couldn't find a church to be with. I still jumped from one church to another. When I graduated from university, I already attended 7 different churches. None of the church gave me systematic and strong foundations of my understanding. I had the faith, but I didn't have the understanding. I believed, but I couldn't explain why or how I became a believer.
When I graduated, I decided to take a 1-year study in Shanghai. Still I was tumbling to find a church to attend, jumping from one church to another. Finally, my friend, Youngky, who was also tired of jumping among churches made a conclusion : "We couldn't grow in these churches, they didn't give us anything. I think, the best church to go now is MRII (Indonesian Reformed Evangelical Church)." We went to MRII Shanghai and I finally found the right place to be, just at the right time.
I took the Catechism class to be baptized, because I realised this is the right place to get baptized. This church gave me what I need. Faith with understanding, and correct teachings.
WHAT LESSONS IN LIFE HAS GOD TAUGHT YOU?
1. I'm a sinner, I am nobody, I was DEAD... but He saved me.
2. I'm so blessed to have a family, no matter how dificult being a part of that family could be.
3. God's design is always the best, although it didn't look good at first.
4. God is always there to watch and hold our hands.
5. All the talents I have are gifts from God, and I'm supposed to make the best out of it and return it to Him.
6. What God has done for me, I should share it forward to others, so others may see the glory of God.
7. I have no rights to be JUDGEMENTAL. (I'll talk more about this in the last question.)
8. I learn the meaning of ENOUGH. In everything, God has provided me enough.. it's just that sometimes I'm blinded and can't see that I already have enough.
9. I learn that people make mistakes, and learn to forgive.
10. I learn that it's His will that will happen in my life, not 'my' selfish will
HOW HAS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD AFFECTED AND CHANGED YOU?
For sure, I became a better person. I can have better control of my moods and emotion (although I still need to work on my anger). My family saw the change in me, and I brought the change to my family too. It’s only His grace if I can be His channel of blessing to my family. We're in a process of recovering the broken relationships and trusts in our family, we learn to support and respect each other. Our journey is still in the beginning. We stumble each time, but we learn and change a bit each time.
My mindset has changed, my point of view has changed. I used to see only me, but now I see there are things bigger than me. There are more tasks left to be done, there are people to help, there are things to learn.
When I was down, I wasn't not so worried and scared anymore, because I knew there is always HOPE. The hope keeps us alive and fighting coz we know He won't let us fall so deep and not get up. He will lift us up at the right moment. We knew that this hardships will one day go away, and when the time comes, we can see the beauty.
I feel safe, calm, hopeful and peaceful.
ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANNA SAY?
I just wanna emphasize some things:
1. I don't like judging people, I don't like being judgemental.
I am just a human, like the others. I can't say, "You're a sinner, you're going to hell." I'm no God. What I should do is, to share the Gospel so that people live their lives for the glory of God, our Creator and Redeemer. I can not FORCE them to do what's right, not to judge them that they're going to hell. We never know.... only God knows. Also, sometimes we make 'generalization' and judge that "This group is wrong, our group is right. The people of this group they always do this.. they're wrong." Generalization sucks :( sorry to say this. Do not make the mistakes of one or two people in the group to be the mistake of the 'whole group'.
2. Everyone is born with talents, make the best out of it.
I can do many things since I was a kid, but I didn't really know what my talent is until few days ago when I browsed the internet. I read about types of intelligence and I took a test to find out what was the dominant type of intelligence I have. The result was Linguistic Intelligence, no wonder I always learned languages faster than others and I love writing and reading so much.
Check here to know the 9 types of intelligence: http://skyview.vansd.org/lschmidt/Projects/The%20Nine%20Types%20of%20Intelligence.htm
Take the test to find out yours:
Know yourself, know your talents, and wish you all the best to make the most of it.. But the most important is that we always return it to God, the One that gives us the gifts.
3. Tell the others about the Good News when you have the chance.
Sometimes it's so hard to talk to people, esp. those who are against Christianity. Be wise and courageous when we do it. I'm also still struggling with this, may God help us.
4. Everyone deserves a chance to hear the Good News.
I believe with all my heart that everyone deserves a chance to hear about Jesus, no matter how unlikely they seem. Prisoners, the haves, the have-nots, gays, lesbians, transvestites, sex offenders, rapists, murderers, moslems, buddhists, atheists, agnostics, everyone. Whether or not they will change after that, it's back in God's hands. We are only doing our duty to share His light to this fallen world.
5. LOVE matters
Sometimes we are so focused on some aspects of Christianity that we forget the very basic things about what God have taught us ... Love...! We preach, we teach, yet we forget to love... Shame on us. May God forgive us and help us to love not to be loved, but to love because He has loved us with the greatest love ever !
Hope this post can be a blessing to many people. God bless...
Written by: Viona Ong
